


This isn't your typical Vampire AU

by The_Great_Deprussian



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: BrOT3 forever guys, Crack, Describing, Drunk!BTT, Funny, Gen, I REGRET NOTHING, Laughter, M/M, Phone Calls, Randomness, Vampire!BTT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26916925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Great_Deprussian/pseuds/The_Great_Deprussian
Summary: The BTT get drunk. What could go wrong?
Relationships: Antonio Fernandez Carrideo & Gilbert Beilschmidt & Francis Bonnefoy, Antonio Fernandez Carrideo/Lovino Vargas, Bad Touch Trio - Relationship, FrUK - Relationship, France & Prussia & Spain (Hetalia), France/England, Francis Bonnefoy/Arthur Kirkland, Germany & Prussia (Hetalia), Ludwig Beilschmidt & Gilbert Beilschmidt, Spain/South Italy, Spamano
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	This isn't your typical Vampire AU

“Hey guuuyyysss?” Francis slurred drunkenly, “Ya know wha’s saaaad?”

Antonio giggled, “Wha?”

Francis sighed dramatically and slumped further into the couch, “We don’t even know what we look like!”

Gilbert gasped and straightened slightly. He stared at Francis like his world had just been upside down, “You’re right! We don’t!”

Antonio giggled again and took another swig of the wine Gilbert had brought, “Tha’s weeeird.”

“Maybe . . .maybe we should describe each other! S’then we can know what we look like!” Gilbert said, looking immensely pleased with his idea.

Francis’ eyes widened, “Tha’s a good idea! Wadya’ think Toni?”

Antonio grinned and swayed slightly, “Sounds good!”

“OKay. Francis, you got big blue eyes that look like sky!” Gilbert used his hands to indicate the size of his friend’s eyes, “And a straight nose!”

“Eeeeeewwwww! My nose is straight!” Francis made fake barfing noises, “Grooossss.”

Toni slumped against Francis, too drunk to sit up anymore, “Probably the only straight thing ‘bout you!”

He tried to poke Francis’ jaw but missed, jabbing the man’s neck instead. Toni laughed at the mistake before continuing, “Maybe your jawline too!”

Just then, the phone rang. They all paused and looked over at the counter. Gilbert, the most sober out of all of them, stood up, swaying, and moved over to it.

“I’ll get it!”

“Turn on the speaker Gil!” Antonio clapped.

Gilbert answered the phone and did so, “Hellooooo?”

“It’s supposed to be ‘ohloh’ Gilly!” Francis chided with a laugh.

“Oh! Your right! Ohloh? Who dis?”

“It’s Arthur. Are you guys drunk?” Came the voice through the phone.

“Yep!” Francis shouted gleefully, “But you aren’t allowed tah pick me up yet! Gil, Toni, and me are gonna describe each other!”

Arthur gave a long, exasperated sigh, “Mother of Hera. How much have you had to drink Francis?”

“Lots!” Antonio piped up, “Lots and lots and lots and lots!”

“Oh gosh. Antonio is there too?! Okay, um. You guys, do _not_. _Leave._ I’m going to call Ludwig and Lovino and get you guys supervised. We will be there soon.” Then the line went dead.

Gilbert shrugged, put down the phone, and stumbled back to the couch, “We’d better hurry ‘fore those party poopers come and poop our party.”

“Yeah,” Agreed Antonio, “Okay, Gil, you got some red eyes and uber, _uber_ pale skin!”

Gilbert tried to wack his friends over the head, laughing, but missed, “Ya dingus! We’re all pale! We’re bat people!”

“Yeah but you’re even _paler_ than other bat people! You white like a fluffy cloud!” Toni grabbed, and insistently shook, Gilbert’s arm.

“I wish I could actually turn into a bat. Tha’d be cool.” Francis sighed sadly.

“You’re right! We can't, can we! Tha’s real sad you guys.” Toni looked ready to cry at the realization, “Now I’m sad.”

“Don’t be sad Toni!” Francis gave Antonio a sorrowful look, “You’re gonna make me sad! And I’m too pretty to be sad!”

Antonio giggled at that and Francis smiled, “Did you know that your eyes are super green! Like . . .like a tree!”

Toni laughed, “My eyes look like trees? That's silly!”

Gilbert began to chuckle, then howl with laughter at that. Francis quickly joined in. Soon all three of them were rolling on the floor laughing. They didn’t notice that Ludwig, Lovino, and Arthur had arrived until they were standing over the hysterical trio.

Toni gasped for breath and waved up at Lovi, “Hey there Lovi!”

“Don’t call me that tomato bastard.” Lovi scowled, “Just get up. I need to haul your sorry butt home.”

While Toni pouted at this sentence, Gilbert managed to stand and threw himself on Ludwig, “Bruder! You’re home! Did ya’ have fun with Feli!”

“You dummkopf. Get off me.”

Francis smiled up at Arthur, “Good morning mon cher! Wait. It’s not morning is it. Good night mon cher!”

The Frenchman giggled and Arthur rolled his eyes, “Get up.”

Francis instantly began to make grabby motions with his hands, eyes pleading, “Help?”

While Lovi tried to convince a sullen Spainiard to get up and Ludwig helped his drunk brother down the hall, Arthur sighed and pulled Francis to his feet. Francis giggled again and gave Arthur a kiss.

“I love you Arthur!”

Arthur blushed lightly as Lovi sniggered and began to half-carry, half-drag a drunk Frenchman to the door, “Gosh you’re drunk.”

“Antonio Fernandez Carrideo if you do not get up right now I will withhold your cuddle privileges!” Lovi snapped, hands on hips.

“Noooooo!” Antonio wailed, “You caaan’t!”

“I can and I will! I am not pathetically dependent on physical contact like you! So up!”

Antonio sniffed sullenly and slowly got to his feet, “You’re meeeaannn.”

“Yeah. I know. Now let’s get you home idiota.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yep. That did just happen. Hope you enjoyed dudes!


End file.
